"What I know for sure is that the only way to endure the quake is to adjust your stance. You can't avoid the daily tremors. They come with being alive. These experiences are really gifts that force us to step to the right or left in serach of a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand."
I'd stand on my head if I could make Cecily feel better! Over the last few weeks we've had a few tremors with our angel, Cecily. The vomiting returned in spurts with a mixture of good days, bad days and everything in between. The seizures returned with mild tremors that appeared to gain momentum. By the end of the week we were on seizure watch 2010 - analyzing Cecily's every move from her smiles to her happy kicks -- to subtle and not-so-subtle stiffening movements. And then we had more problems with Cecily's feeding tube. There are days when despite my best efforts I can't stop the tears from falling as I hold Cecily's convulsing body in my arms as she wretches in pain. Watching Cecily wince, scream or have a seizure, is heartbreaking for me. I want to grab her in my arms and squeeze her and make it all better. The realization that I can't is what keeps me up at night.
And so that quote from the email sits squarely in my head..."You can't avoid the daily tremors... Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand."
I think the answer is not just finding a different way to stand but knowing when to lean on someone for support. If I step to the right - I see all the friends and family that are supporting us and helping us to raise both of our angels. If I step to the left, I see the amazing medical team that we've assembled that takes our feedback, notes and constant questions and works to provide the best care possible for our angel. Our center of gravity is rooted in friends, family, faith and love. We are definitely going to have more tremors, more bad days and more unknowns... but together we can face them and remind one another of all the wonderful gifts and blessings that we have in our life. Every day has something special, something good. Sometimes we just need to look a little harder to find it. Onwards and upwards!