Tomorrow is a big day for little Cecily. Despite having been through this numerous times this just does not get easier. We know the routine... but this is anything but routine. I just feel this sense of guilt about putting her through yet another surgery. Is it the right thing? Are we doing the best thing for her? Should we give her more time? I wish I could stop the nagging questions in my brain.
She is doing so well right now. I hope we are not going to take her off track. We debated on this for so long but we trust our medical team and we decided to just look forward and not back once we made this decision. Yet... the night before a surgery or procedure is always hard. I tend to get jittery and I obsess about things that are not important. The list is long and I can laught at it... but I can't stop the madness. Luckily Brien expects this from me so he just leaves me to my devices and gets me ice cream. Not doubing your decision and looking forward (as opposed to using the rear view mirror) is much easier to say than do.
She is sleeping like an angel in bed and luckily she has no idea that tomorrow she will be poked, prodded, cut, measured, and tested in a way that could never account for who she is to us - a perfect, adorable angel. I think there should be a baby scale that measures the amount of smiles one baby can bring. There should be a ruler for the biggest hug and the best babble. These things are not recorded on her medical chart but these are the things that keep us going on the tough days.
Tonight during dinner we reminded Noah that Cecily would be going into the hospital for a few days. He asks questions but he simplifies it for his own understanding.
"Will this fix her tummy? When will she be back?" Then, in typical Noah fashion he tells her that it will be alright. Then the questions continue. "Who is going to be with me?" And "Where am I going?"
He wants to visit but we'll make a decision on that once we see how tomorrow goes. We don't want to remove him from the situation. We find the more inclusive we are with Noah the better he is about Cecily and the constant attention she requires. Yet exposing Noah to Cecily in a medical crib (that looks more like a cage) as she is hooked up to monitors, tubes and the like may be very scary for Noah. Plus, we don't want to get him sick. The hospital is full of germs and Noah seems to find them; he seeks them out.
We will be so happy when tomorrow is over. I never appreciated the gift of a healthy baby. I took Noah and his strength, health and energy for granted. I have such a new appreciation for life and for family, friends and the stuff that matters. Tomorrow is a big day. We have jitters. But we will make it through and we will reunite as a family again. We are lucky. This is what we will choose to remember tomorrow. Onwards and upwards!
She is doing so well right now. I hope we are not going to take her off track. We debated on this for so long but we trust our medical team and we decided to just look forward and not back once we made this decision. Yet... the night before a surgery or procedure is always hard. I tend to get jittery and I obsess about things that are not important. The list is long and I can laught at it... but I can't stop the madness. Luckily Brien expects this from me so he just leaves me to my devices and gets me ice cream. Not doubing your decision and looking forward (as opposed to using the rear view mirror) is much easier to say than do.
She is sleeping like an angel in bed and luckily she has no idea that tomorrow she will be poked, prodded, cut, measured, and tested in a way that could never account for who she is to us - a perfect, adorable angel. I think there should be a baby scale that measures the amount of smiles one baby can bring. There should be a ruler for the biggest hug and the best babble. These things are not recorded on her medical chart but these are the things that keep us going on the tough days.
Tonight during dinner we reminded Noah that Cecily would be going into the hospital for a few days. He asks questions but he simplifies it for his own understanding.
"Will this fix her tummy? When will she be back?" Then, in typical Noah fashion he tells her that it will be alright. Then the questions continue. "Who is going to be with me?" And "Where am I going?"
He wants to visit but we'll make a decision on that once we see how tomorrow goes. We don't want to remove him from the situation. We find the more inclusive we are with Noah the better he is about Cecily and the constant attention she requires. Yet exposing Noah to Cecily in a medical crib (that looks more like a cage) as she is hooked up to monitors, tubes and the like may be very scary for Noah. Plus, we don't want to get him sick. The hospital is full of germs and Noah seems to find them; he seeks them out.
We will be so happy when tomorrow is over. I never appreciated the gift of a healthy baby. I took Noah and his strength, health and energy for granted. I have such a new appreciation for life and for family, friends and the stuff that matters. Tomorrow is a big day. We have jitters. But we will make it through and we will reunite as a family again. We are lucky. This is what we will choose to remember tomorrow. Onwards and upwards!
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