There is a look in a child's eye that can tell you so much about what they are thinking. I can catch Noah in a sideways glance and immediately know if he is intent on a building task or plotting his next mega-car crash complete with danger and explosions... Even as a newborn infant he had a sparkle in his eye. This is one of the ways I felt connected and close to him. I missed this type of connection with Cecily and I became acutely aware of this in the first few months of her life. It was my inner Mommy radar telling me that there might be something special with Cecily that we were all missing. Time would tell.
After many months of missing this connection I decided to let it go and make my own way. We have found many wonderful ways to connect with Cecily from infant massage, to cuddles, to kissy face, letting her pull our hair and climb on us like a tree. I love all of these things and I love that they are our unique ways of connecting with our little angel.
I was speaking to my dear sister and giving her the play by play of our busy life - recounting every small and tiny achievement Cecily had made since our last phone call. As I hung up the phone I sat down and realized that I was seeing a new sparkle in Cecily's eye. Articulating this experience with words is harder than I thought it would be... but the moment was so important and so raw that I had to at least try. She was looking at me with a knowing look. Her eyes were sparkling with curiosity. She was engaged with me in a totally new way. She looked like she was up to trouble and I loved it!
We appreciate Cecily and her unique way of communicating with us. A sparkle in the eye or not - she is perfect to us in every imaginable way. This incident is important to me because I think we have finally let go of our expecations and we are just enjoying. We are not looking for what might be. We are not living with fear. We are just enjoying our angel and watching her explore and grow before us. I sat back and just watched with delight.
To explain the journey that Cecily has been on in a succint way is impossible. The endless doctor appointments, the quest for answers, the nervous nights watching her in the hospital and the fear of the unknown. For a long time Cecily was a project for our family. We didn't intend it to be like this - it just happened. We hated thinking we were trying to fit her into a box with endless therapy and appointments. Were we doing the right thing for Cecily? Or were we desperately trying to make her more like Noah? The confusion, the information the prognosis, the what ifs all just loomed over us. Today when we look at Cecily we just see our baby. We see everything she is giving us! We see the empathy that Noah has at three years old. We see the appreciation for the simple things. We will forever owe Cecily for opening up our eyes and letting them see the world differently. She has made the mundane activities in life sparkle. She is pure sparkle. She is Cecily. Onwards and upwards!
After many months of missing this connection I decided to let it go and make my own way. We have found many wonderful ways to connect with Cecily from infant massage, to cuddles, to kissy face, letting her pull our hair and climb on us like a tree. I love all of these things and I love that they are our unique ways of connecting with our little angel.
I was speaking to my dear sister and giving her the play by play of our busy life - recounting every small and tiny achievement Cecily had made since our last phone call. As I hung up the phone I sat down and realized that I was seeing a new sparkle in Cecily's eye. Articulating this experience with words is harder than I thought it would be... but the moment was so important and so raw that I had to at least try. She was looking at me with a knowing look. Her eyes were sparkling with curiosity. She was engaged with me in a totally new way. She looked like she was up to trouble and I loved it!
We appreciate Cecily and her unique way of communicating with us. A sparkle in the eye or not - she is perfect to us in every imaginable way. This incident is important to me because I think we have finally let go of our expecations and we are just enjoying. We are not looking for what might be. We are not living with fear. We are just enjoying our angel and watching her explore and grow before us. I sat back and just watched with delight.
To explain the journey that Cecily has been on in a succint way is impossible. The endless doctor appointments, the quest for answers, the nervous nights watching her in the hospital and the fear of the unknown. For a long time Cecily was a project for our family. We didn't intend it to be like this - it just happened. We hated thinking we were trying to fit her into a box with endless therapy and appointments. Were we doing the right thing for Cecily? Or were we desperately trying to make her more like Noah? The confusion, the information the prognosis, the what ifs all just loomed over us. Today when we look at Cecily we just see our baby. We see everything she is giving us! We see the empathy that Noah has at three years old. We see the appreciation for the simple things. We will forever owe Cecily for opening up our eyes and letting them see the world differently. She has made the mundane activities in life sparkle. She is pure sparkle. She is Cecily. Onwards and upwards!
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