I love Christmas.  I love trying to find gifts that I think will make someone happy. I love watching the little ones and the wonder in their eyes. But what I really love is that we're all home together and for a very short spell - work stops! It is a Christmas miracle because we have a very busy house.  Brien toils long hours for Scripps.  I don't work a quarter as much for Websense but I do exert a lot of effort to meet my obligations - while balancing the 3 children and their very busy schedules + the demands of Cecily's Closet.  I love every role I play but the one I love the most is Mom.  This was a rare Friday where I only worked for one hour - and the rest of the time I doted on the kids and enjoyed their antics - all of them. 

Cecily is sick - but she still puts on such a brave, happy face.  She retreated to her princess chair several times today to just "chill" but at other times she smiled and giggled and shrieked with delight at the sound of her brothers and sometimes - when I'm lucky - at me! 

This picture captures the love Cecily has for her baby.  Yes, Cason is all hers.  She gently grabs him and pulls his head in close.  She nuzzles him with her nose and she gives him a pat-pat-pat.  She lights up like Christmas when she sees him enter the room and she shrieks if he giggles.  She just loves him.  Today they read books together - and she was the Mommy, gently turning the pages while trying to stop him from eating the book.  (A very hard task as Cason likes to eat...everything!)

I just love it. I love to see the children bond together.  Noah loves to take his bath with Cason.  He likes to play with him in the morning - they are both up at 5am... and they snuggle in the bed with me while Cecily and Daddy sleep - soundly -  one in a crib and the other in a cave.  I am now understanding exactly why Daddy wanted this man cave... Perhaps one Christmas I'll ask for a woman cave... LOL... I am not quite sure what it would look like! 

It is not even eight o'clock but we have managed to get everyone - including Daddy - into bed.  I will be joining shortly but I love the quiet of the house with the Christmas lights twinkling.  I feel like I've missed so much this holiday season because I've been doing too much.  I want to ensure I enjoy every moment from here until the New Year.  I want to be present and not just physcially present - mentally present, too.  My goal for next year is to focus on being present in the moment - verus my typical worry all the time mind-set... planning for the next hour, two hours, four hours ahead.  I am going to try and play more and work less.  I'm going to try and exercise more and not beat myself up as much.  I am very good at that last item and I'd like to just learn to let myself off the hook.  Even now I'm fighting the urge to write thank-you notes and clean the playroom...  I know I should ... and I have the time... and I oddly feel guilty for not doing it.  Oh lordy I sound so silly.  I am not sure when I arrived at silly-town but I'd like a one-way ticket back to normalcy.  I know the only person capable of buying that ticket is me... so I'll start saving my pennies in hopes that one day I'll make it!  I am lucky to have a family that onboard with this plan so they'll be helping me achieve these self-help goals!  It's amazing how much happier life can be when you let go and breathe.  I know many a weight will be lifted when I decide to only focus on the important things and stop worrying about what others will think!

On this Christmas I will just choose to enjoy the kids and focus on the love and support of family. I will stop to just enjoy my coffee, linger in my PJs, hug the kids a little tighter, read a few more books and simply be.  I will leave the sticky notes and the long lists for another time. When we stop and look around we can see what we often miss in the hectic nature of every week.  We are so very lucky.  We are so blessed.  We have so many things to look forward to. Our children are loved and supported and what's better - they love and support each other.  They are best buddies.  What else could one ask for?  I think this Christmas the best presents will definitely be those that are unwrapped...

Onwards and upwards!

It is ten days before Christmas and I've just tucked 2 little ones into bed - the third ready but clinging to the last moments of his movie. He is six. I just read the ages and names of the children who were tragically killed in Connecticut.  Every time I saw age 6 my heart broke again and again.  I couldn't help but think about these families who are not tucking in their kids.  Who are not worried about silly things like wrapping presents and ensuring everyone gets equal amounts of goodies.  I can't imagine - and I don't want to imagine - and I won't even let myself imagine what these families are going through... It is an impossible tragedy.  I am sorry for everyone involved - including the family of the shooter.  As a parent, it is hard to imagine that your child could be loved and grow up to do something so sinister and evil.  I just hope all the families impacted by these horrific events can find peace and justice for their little ones.

I am hopeful that this act of violence will also be a reminder to everyone of just how lucky they are to be alive - to be free - to be with their family.  I am hopeful that this event will refocus people on what's important.  I am hopefuly it will shed light on mental illness and perhaps encourage more open discussions about the challenges people face silently. 

It seems that in our world everyone is trying to impress everyone - instead of trying to help everyone.  People are embarassed to ask for help - or take help - and others are too busy trying to climb the ladder or get the latest purse, car or gadget to really stop and appreciate the simple, small blessings of life. 

I say this with no judgments.  I am no better. I am often worried about what people think.  I am often afraid to admit when I need help.  I'm often thinking about silly commerical things as a distraction from life/stress or work.  But... at a time like this I find it is important to look for the lesson and to take it to heart.  It is too easy to say, "how sad... how disgusting... how horrid AND forget."  We must never forget this tragedy but we must take this experience and let it shape where we are going with our life.  It is never too late to change course and it is never too late to helps others change their course.  If everyone who was impacted by this tragedy took it as an opportunity to do something positive we could ensure that th 27 lives taken were honored and respected in the most positive way.  They will continue to live on in the lives of those that loved and knew them - and those of us that only knew them as a number and an age.  I can't quite get a few of the images and faces out of my mind.  But I can do something positive to honor them. 

Onwards and upwards!

Thank you Poway Valley Therapeutic Riding Center (PoVa), for generously providing Cecily's Closet with the most beautiful fabric for our belly band program.  (Only a tiny sample is pictured to the left... there was too much to get in one shot!)

We were thrilled when Ingrid asked PoVa volunteers and supporters to consider bringing fabric to their holiday party - which they would then share with us!  We were touched with this generous offer and even more overwhelmed when on Saturday 3 lovely woman filled the back of my swagger wagon with bags and bags and bags and bags... of fabric and thread!  I unloaded the fabric and couldn't believe my eyes! I was so excited and I can't wait to share with our small army of sewers who donate their time and talent to sew these belly bands with love for children with special needs in San Diego. 

PoVa is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that offers therapeutic horseback riding to children and adults with special needs.   The lessons are led by the program’s Executive Director and wonderful all-star Mom, Ingrid Mourey, who is a PATH International Advanced Instructor. Ingrid works with a dedicated team of instructors whose expertise includes therapeutic riding instructor certifications, extensive equestrian backgrounds, and teaching experience, working with children with special needs. 

PoVa has been such a blessing in our lives.  Cecily absolutely loves to ride at the ranch.  She kicks her feet with excitement as we drive into the ranch and she is so proud of herself when she sits big and tall on her horse, Crystal.  PoVa has the most wonderful staff of volunteers who give of their time to make a difference for children and adults with special needs.  I am always amazed at the wonderful people I've had the opportunity to meet while taking Cecily to her lessons.  Everyone is so patient, caring and supportive and the environment is so positive! If you are thinking about therapeutic riding then you must check out their site at www.http://povatrc.org/.   

Many people still don't realize that Cecily's Closet makes these little belly bands. What is a belly band? Cecily’s Closet offers fabric wraps designed to protect the Mickey Button or PEG tube that is inserted into a child’s abdomen for the purpose of feeding.  These simple, fabric wraps enable a child to safely proceed with physical therapy or other daily activities because they protect the site from rubbing.  We like to think they offer parents peace of mind because they can prevent the child from grabbing at the tube site and they greatlly reduce the risk of the tube being dislodged. Our slogan... comfy for kids; priceless for parents; and FREE to anyone in San Diego!

Thank you PoVa for supporting our belly band program.  We are so grateful! 

Onwards and upwards!

LOVE. Just look at that picture and I dare you not to smile. You can see Cason's sweet cheeks grinning from ear to ear and Cecily is happy-as-a-clam pressed up against her favorite baby brother. (yes, Noah is her favorite older brother...) These two little monkeys love on each other all day long.  They have their own baby language and I just LOVE it.  Yes, I am one of those parents... I sit around gazing at my kids and marveling at their cuteness... and no - not their physical cuteness - but rather their personality that makes them entirely unique.

Cecily just loves her brothers - both of them. Noah can open the door and run in and she shrieks with delight.  Cason can crawl in on his belly and she just gets down on the floor and rolls over to play.  They have so much fun together that I sometimes (on my better days) think if three is this much fun imagine what four would be like? Haha... no, we are not going there but I must admit I LOVE a full-house.  I may be tired and I may have aged a decade in about 3 years but there is no better gift than a house full of laughter and love.  We have a lot of both so we count our blessings and enjoy it!

Life was so busy we didn't get to write our Thanksgiving post.  We try and live our life with gratitude but I do love a holiday that is all about giving thanks.  As most of my friends and family know - I love a good thank you note.  I believe people have forgotten the magic of please and thank you.  I believe too many people feel entitled and too many people forget to say those simple, meaningful words. We have a few basic rules in our house and please and thank you are a must! Even little Cecily knows that if she wishes to have her needs met she better sign please!

These last few months have been filled with giggles and tears - but the giggles are so much better! Cecily has had a rougher ride and we're reminded of how great those hospital free months in 2012 were before fall came and brought with it a wave of change.  We are grateful for the good days. We are grateful for my parents. If anyone wants to see what two dedicated, over-the-top parents look like, please feel free to knock on their door.  They are without a doubt angels on earth.  I will call them Saints.  I will call them the most generous parents around because they give and give and give and there seems to be no end to the support they provide us and our adorable children.  We are so blessed to have such a healthy support network.  

We are so lucky to have three children that give our life such meaning and purpose.  We are blessed to have such amazing friends who stand by us even when we can't always stand by them in the same way.  We are so grateful to have the support of the SD community and local businesses like PaintGreen, The UPS Store, Beach Bungalow Designs, Inside Emily Dolton's Head and more... that have turned our dream into a sustainable little non-profit to help kids in San Diego.  We have so much to be thankful for that it makes the speedbumps in the road seem small.  There is so much love in our house.  Life is full.  Life is busy. But gosh darn it life is pretty great!

Thank you God.  Thank you family. Thank you friends.  Thank you teachers and therapists and nurses and doctors.  Thank you volunteers! Imagine if everyone just looked for the positive and found the LOVE.  Life could be so much better.  It is a conscious decision every day to find the good but we're not looking back. 

Onwards and upwards!