I think the greatest gift of parenting is watching all of the kids play together. Noah is the best big brother and we are so grateful for the way he plays with Cecily and Cason. He's fallen in love with his little brother and he can't wait until he gets bigger so they can "really play"... He sings to him every morning and makes up funny dances to amuse him. He hops on the bed to give him cuddles and he always wants to be the first one in line for kisses. He thinks he is EVEN better than Luke & Ian's dog, Zulu. Yes, that's right boys... the baby is better than the puppy.
I say this a lot but Cason is the best present. He is a gift and he saves me on my hardest days. When he smiles he fills me with so much energy and love and hope and I see everything that is right about our family, our life and the crazy world we live in. I would be lying if I didn't mention that on some of my harder days it also stings a tiny bit... as I remember the days when I would pray for Cecily to smile at me, or to acknowledge me in some way... I wanted the give and take between parent and child that for so long was missing from our relationship. When Cason smiles I remember those days and I hurt for those parents that may never get to experience the pure joy of having a child beam at you for just being you. Cason beams at just about anyone - but heck...I'll pretend he saves all that love for me! He has the sweetest disposition... he is so calm and loving and did I mention calm? (yes, hard to believe he came from us!) I breathe him in daily and I love to sit with him on my knees and gaze at him. Like clock-work he is hitting his milestones. The difference is I appreciate EVERY one. I will never take for granted a baby rolling over, smiling, holding a rattle, tracking an object, making eye contact, cooing, laughing or showing affection. I enjoy every little thing he does and I don't love him more for doing it - I just appreciate it because I know how hard Cecily has fought for every one of those things. Cason is just pure heaven and he is my angel. I am pretty sure he was sent to our family for the amazing balance he has provided. I can't explain what he has done in four short months but I'm pretty sure he is not working alone...
And here's Cecily... she emptied out her cubby and decided to crawl in. Afterall - she's better than any of the toys that were previously in it! She looks so mature in this picture that I can't quite believe that is my baby staring back at me. She is beautiful (yes, you're not supposed to say that about your own child) but she is so much more than a pretty face. There are so many layers to Cecily. She is growing every day in so many ways. She is turning into our social butterfly... loving the interaction from school and from everyone she meets. Her progress can't be measured on a milestone chart or by any traditional measuring sticks. School is deficit based - so they look at what she is not doing... which can be frustrating and often an unwelcome reality check. We know they are there to help Cecily and we LOVE her school - but it can be hard to be told all the time that she is not doing this, that or the other. I often feel crazy because how I feel about Cecily and what she shows the outside world are two entirely different realities. It makes me wonder if I only see what I want to see - or if Cecily just knows we believe in her so she is free to display all the beauty she has to offer - the beauty that is not skin-deep but rather the light in her soul that radiates from her when she is happy. And when is she happiest? Anyone who knows Cecily knows this answer... when she is with her brothers. She loves Noah. He is her world. He is her protector and her play-mate and her wrestle-mania partner! And now she loves her baby, Cason. He is her baby. He laughed for the first time this week and Cecily's face lit up and her smile was so wide it was contagious. They sat giggling together. It is a memory that I will not soon forget. Cason did his happy feet kicking and when I got excited she copied him. They kicked and laughed and they were happy. Isn't that all we can ask for? Where is the darn happy meter at school, at therapy and at the Doctor's office? I think the world would be a lot better if there was a different measuring stick for our children. We need more play. We need less competition. We need more love. We need less criticism. We just need more brother and sister love in the world.
Onwards and upwards!
Onwards and upwards!
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