Brien and I love sleep. We always have. We used to believe in naps and 10 hour stretches and we are not lazy people... Over the last 3 weeks we have both been completely sleep deprived. I feel guilty even talking about it like this because the issue is not our sleep deprivation, but rather what caused it.
Poor little Cecily is coming off 2+ very upsetting weeks. She has been in so much pain and until a few days ago we were starting to lose hope. (And this is not like us!) We are eternal optimists even in the face of lots and lots and lots of obstacles. I have not felt this unsteady, shaken, angry and dare I say desperate since Cecily was about 8 months old and our world seemed to be spinning in every direction but forward.
I have to say a BIG thank you to Dr. Wood for once again advocating for Cecily with the folks down at Rady Children's. Sometimes you just need a Dr. in your corner who knows you are not exaggerating...who knows that you know your child best and who believes in you! After two plus weeks circling the drain with the GI clinic we have finally made progress! Cecily started another new medication and cross our fingers... it seems to be working! The Doctors seem more convinced than ever that Cecily has an autonomic nerve disorder that is contributing to her bouts of unexplained pain and inability to sleep due to sheer pain. Cecily even began calling me Mommy this week and signed Mommy - hurts... Mommy hurts... It breaks my heart to see her suffering as she looks at me with her big blue eyes just begging me to save her. It is gut wrenching to hold her and rock her and sing and dance and rub her belly with no chance of helping her through the episode. What I think about on most of these nights when we're up and worried is how single Moms and Dads do it... or how families that don't have relatives in town do it... or how those folks that don't have a Dr. in their corner advocating for them do it... because we are LUCKY! I know a lot of people call us "unlucky..." and we understand this statement and we laugh and agree... We agree not because of what is going on with Cecily but just because of the sheer volume of sometimes funny, sometimes outrageous but never dull moments we seem to accrue in a week. But at the end of the day we have FAMILY and a smothering one at that to help us through the day, the week, or whatever it may be that we need pulling through!
This week we had my Mom, Dad, sister, and friends begging to take Cecily for the night so we could get some sleep. It is on a week like this that I just thank God for my friends and family. And I thank God that sleep may in fact be in our short-term future. Cecily had her first full-night's sleep in 3 weeks but poor little Noah awoke with a tummy ache and graced us with a present of vomit... and lots of it. As we turned on the light and awoke from our short-lived slumber we just turned to each other and laughed. There are some days when that truly is the best medicine. We had to be careful not to upset Noah in his state of distress but the irony of having Cecily finally sleep while our healthy little ox was up and sick was too much for us... we just knew that this too shall pass!
And as of tomorrow I'm officially on maternity leave! It came sooner than expected but given the lack of rest and stress on my plate it was definitely the best decision for baby Cason and the rest of the Ackerly bunch.
We dream of sleep. Sweet dreams... of pain-free, happy, quiet nights of sleep!
Onwards and upwards!
Poor little Cecily is coming off 2+ very upsetting weeks. She has been in so much pain and until a few days ago we were starting to lose hope. (And this is not like us!) We are eternal optimists even in the face of lots and lots and lots of obstacles. I have not felt this unsteady, shaken, angry and dare I say desperate since Cecily was about 8 months old and our world seemed to be spinning in every direction but forward.
I have to say a BIG thank you to Dr. Wood for once again advocating for Cecily with the folks down at Rady Children's. Sometimes you just need a Dr. in your corner who knows you are not exaggerating...who knows that you know your child best and who believes in you! After two plus weeks circling the drain with the GI clinic we have finally made progress! Cecily started another new medication and cross our fingers... it seems to be working! The Doctors seem more convinced than ever that Cecily has an autonomic nerve disorder that is contributing to her bouts of unexplained pain and inability to sleep due to sheer pain. Cecily even began calling me Mommy this week and signed Mommy - hurts... Mommy hurts... It breaks my heart to see her suffering as she looks at me with her big blue eyes just begging me to save her. It is gut wrenching to hold her and rock her and sing and dance and rub her belly with no chance of helping her through the episode. What I think about on most of these nights when we're up and worried is how single Moms and Dads do it... or how families that don't have relatives in town do it... or how those folks that don't have a Dr. in their corner advocating for them do it... because we are LUCKY! I know a lot of people call us "unlucky..." and we understand this statement and we laugh and agree... We agree not because of what is going on with Cecily but just because of the sheer volume of sometimes funny, sometimes outrageous but never dull moments we seem to accrue in a week. But at the end of the day we have FAMILY and a smothering one at that to help us through the day, the week, or whatever it may be that we need pulling through!
This week we had my Mom, Dad, sister, and friends begging to take Cecily for the night so we could get some sleep. It is on a week like this that I just thank God for my friends and family. And I thank God that sleep may in fact be in our short-term future. Cecily had her first full-night's sleep in 3 weeks but poor little Noah awoke with a tummy ache and graced us with a present of vomit... and lots of it. As we turned on the light and awoke from our short-lived slumber we just turned to each other and laughed. There are some days when that truly is the best medicine. We had to be careful not to upset Noah in his state of distress but the irony of having Cecily finally sleep while our healthy little ox was up and sick was too much for us... we just knew that this too shall pass!
And as of tomorrow I'm officially on maternity leave! It came sooner than expected but given the lack of rest and stress on my plate it was definitely the best decision for baby Cason and the rest of the Ackerly bunch.
We dream of sleep. Sweet dreams... of pain-free, happy, quiet nights of sleep!
Onwards and upwards!
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